Stealin' your time: my first post

I used to have a blog here called caligulawyer but law school ate that shit up with almost everything else in my life, so rather than dig up the dead, here I am, a broke ass graduate with my old law school laptop, entirely new things to bitch about and something else for your lazy ass to do instead of working to make somebody else money like you're poorly paid to do. Yahooooo!

And what an occasion! Tonight is the last of the presidential debates, or should I say, ass whippings for John McCain. Bet he never saw this shit coming. Yes, dude, you're losing to a black guy, and he's smarter than you, cooler than you, better looking than you, and doesn't give a fuck that you probably have fond memories of that segregated school you attended.

The debate starts in about an hour. Obama is a classy guy and will not say what I think he should say. Therefore, allow me to say this for him:

"Dude, really. Run the country? This shit is so far in the ditch after 8 years of your idiot buddy running the joint we need trampolines just to see daylight. You loved the guy until everyone told you they hated him now you're a 'maverick' or some shit because of some crap you ranted about like 15 years ago. Nobody's buying it except people too prejudiced to vote for me. Hell, even they don't buy it, they just ain't voting for a black dude. Oh, incidentally, what the fuck was with stealing my damn slogan? "Change"? All of a sudden? Right in front of everyone? When I'd had that shit on my ads for about a year? Man, that just sucked. Try some imagination in the next life.

But then what do I expect of somebody who picked, from a country full of people, Caribou-Killing Barbie as their running mate? Really? And you didn't know her kid was knocked up and she tried to get her brother in law fired and thinks seeing the coast of Russia in the distance is foreign policy experience? What, did they come to her to arrange moose-fucking expeditions? Let your unmedicated, unbalanced following scream about wanting to kill me at her rallies while she teeters on her 'ho heels. It just makes you look more like an asshole.

By the way, you apoplectic butt, try reading my proposals before talking about them. I am not going to 'raise taxes' and throw small business owners out on the street. I'm just not selling the country out to your rich buddies who people have suddenly noticed are picking their pockets. "Hey!" the country is saying. "That's not just a tickle on my ass! That's some greedy fucker digging for every last penny so he can lay around farting on some gorgeous island where people hate him for a little while longer on vacation from his million dollar home!"

Please, tonight, John, have a little dignity. You got your ass beat. Don't come out wandering the stage like you have alzheimer's and getting all worked up so the EMS guys crank up the defibrillator. Just make a good showing and bow out with a little class. Your great great great grandchildren are worried about you and people aren't going to risk having Debate Team Barbie as president. Cool?"

And now, off to the show. Welcome to my new blog.