I've loosely followed the AIG bonus scandal and honestly, can only get so mad. That's what these fuckers do - get rich irresponsibly and without principle at the expense of other people. That's how we got into this mess. Kind of late to get pissed now. Where were you hell raisers the past 8 years while big companies were allowed to run rampant like fat children at a pizza buffet, or frat monkeys at a kegger? Distracted by the flag waving? I have to give Bush that; he was a master magician. The public was properly distracted by the hand waving the flag while the other hand pickpocketed us. Hey, where's my retirement account? Stop, theif! Oh, hell, he's long gone.
It's nice that there is a bill to have the AIG bonuses, and perhaps others, taxed at a high rate. After all, that is taxpayer money. But the bonuses were 1/1000 percent of the bailout money. It's kind of like (watch out, metaphor #4!) telling the guy who robbed you that you want your pennies back. What does confuse me is that the bonuses were to entice the very people who fucked everything up to not quit their jobs. Really? It seems like they would want to fire those idiots, not pay them to stick around. "Hey John! You suck! Here's a million dollars!"
Only in America.
Showing posts with label bad economy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label bad economy. Show all posts
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Stimulate this
Obama's speech last night laid out some pretty ambitious plans. Not like winning at beer pong, or farting quietly in public - I mean real ambitions. He also seems to get that waving a flag at things doesn't make them good. We seem to have forgotten that. Torture prisoners? No-bid contracts for politician's buddies? Government overseers of the oil companies getting coked up with the CEOs? Barely literate cowboy for president? Wave a flag! It will magically be just great! Dear Republicans: the flag is not magic. Have you seen a bunny fly out of your ass? It's because it is n-o-t m-a-g-i-c.
I am still not so sure I support the economic stimulus package, though. It's treating greedy CEOS like rich frat boys who fuck up all they want then get bailed out when things go bad. How the fuck are they going to learn? If you're gonna let companies gamble, you got to let them lose.
I still think there's lots of ways to save money, though, and get the country back on track. Here are a few of my ideas.
1. Bitch slap every company owner who shut down a plant here then opened one in bum fuck egypt where they can pay slave laborers fourteen cents a day so they can be grossly, obscenely rich instead of just obscenely rich. Then tax them the exact amount that they are saving on labor by doing that shit. Give the money to the people who would have had the jobs.
2. Legalize drugs and prostitution and tax that shit. $4 tax on a blowjob. Etc. We'll pay off the deficit in like 6 months. Unfortunately, I'll be out of a job.
3. Let people actually bid on government jobs. Ahem.
4. Fine people for non violent crimes and stop locking them up. You know what happens when you lock them up? They lose their jobs and stop paying taxes. You know how much money it takes to run a jail? Wardens, guards, water, heat, air conditioning, maintenance, sewage, electricity, uniforms, cameras, other technology, food. . . it's fucking expensive. Does the guy with the weed really need to be in there instead of at his cook job? Really?
5. Actually give out fashion tickets. $500 fine for having a mullet. $250 for acid washed jeans. $1,000 for a haircut with "wings". $100 for shorts with knee high white socks. $800 for having a big ass sticking out of a miniskirt.You get the idea.
6. Take away people's cars who go 90 on the freeway weaving in and out of traffic. Sell them. If they are passing on the right, make them wash the cars before we sell them and spray some of that smell good stuff in there, which they must buy themselves.Screw those assholes. If I stop writing in my blog, it's probably because one of them caused a wreck on my way to work. Jerks.
7. $10,000 fine for dropping out of high school. No money? Work it off picking up trash on the highway. Maybe when you scrape up enough possums you'll get your ass to English class.
8. No more handing out cash to corporations to help them expand and advertise and stay open and shit. Don't know how to run a business? Don't run one.
9. No more sick sized bonuses for the assholes who sit in board rooms and vote to pay shit to their workers and only give out 2% raises while they pay themselves $45 million a year. Cap their salaries and let the people who do the work have the money. Maybe they could keep one house each over their heads. Big shot does not need seven homes while other people are getting foreclosed on, I don't care what he says.
10. Let gay people marry and adopt children, creating more stable homes, less kids in government-sponsored foster care, more two income houses, more families buying family stuff, less volunteer money going to stupid organizations who hate us because it will be pointless.
Just some ideas, but the message he's rocking and the word I am sending is that it is HIGH motherfucking time for some reform. Jump on the bandwagon, y'all, a new country is hopefully about to leave the station.
I am still not so sure I support the economic stimulus package, though. It's treating greedy CEOS like rich frat boys who fuck up all they want then get bailed out when things go bad. How the fuck are they going to learn? If you're gonna let companies gamble, you got to let them lose.
I still think there's lots of ways to save money, though, and get the country back on track. Here are a few of my ideas.
1. Bitch slap every company owner who shut down a plant here then opened one in bum fuck egypt where they can pay slave laborers fourteen cents a day so they can be grossly, obscenely rich instead of just obscenely rich. Then tax them the exact amount that they are saving on labor by doing that shit. Give the money to the people who would have had the jobs.
2. Legalize drugs and prostitution and tax that shit. $4 tax on a blowjob. Etc. We'll pay off the deficit in like 6 months. Unfortunately, I'll be out of a job.
3. Let people actually bid on government jobs. Ahem.
4. Fine people for non violent crimes and stop locking them up. You know what happens when you lock them up? They lose their jobs and stop paying taxes. You know how much money it takes to run a jail? Wardens, guards, water, heat, air conditioning, maintenance, sewage, electricity, uniforms, cameras, other technology, food. . . it's fucking expensive. Does the guy with the weed really need to be in there instead of at his cook job? Really?
5. Actually give out fashion tickets. $500 fine for having a mullet. $250 for acid washed jeans. $1,000 for a haircut with "wings". $100 for shorts with knee high white socks. $800 for having a big ass sticking out of a miniskirt.You get the idea.
6. Take away people's cars who go 90 on the freeway weaving in and out of traffic. Sell them. If they are passing on the right, make them wash the cars before we sell them and spray some of that smell good stuff in there, which they must buy themselves.Screw those assholes. If I stop writing in my blog, it's probably because one of them caused a wreck on my way to work. Jerks.
7. $10,000 fine for dropping out of high school. No money? Work it off picking up trash on the highway. Maybe when you scrape up enough possums you'll get your ass to English class.
8. No more handing out cash to corporations to help them expand and advertise and stay open and shit. Don't know how to run a business? Don't run one.
9. No more sick sized bonuses for the assholes who sit in board rooms and vote to pay shit to their workers and only give out 2% raises while they pay themselves $45 million a year. Cap their salaries and let the people who do the work have the money. Maybe they could keep one house each over their heads. Big shot does not need seven homes while other people are getting foreclosed on, I don't care what he says.
10. Let gay people marry and adopt children, creating more stable homes, less kids in government-sponsored foster care, more two income houses, more families buying family stuff, less volunteer money going to stupid organizations who hate us because it will be pointless.
Just some ideas, but the message he's rocking and the word I am sending is that it is HIGH motherfucking time for some reform. Jump on the bandwagon, y'all, a new country is hopefully about to leave the station.
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Long live the king!
So I'm really looking forward to Obama's coronation. I mean inauguration. People say it's more like a coronation and it's true, but fuck it, maybe we need someone kingly right now. We've just suffered eight years of having a drunk frat boy drive the country into a ditch like his dad's mercedes. Things suck. We need someone to put on a pedestal to prove the pedestal hasn't been reposessed.
We also need someone with common sense enough to not be a bully. I've been thinking and have come to the conclusion that the same rules apply to dealing with friends, coworkers, customer service representatives and smelly international diplomats who eat weird stuff. I'm particularly sensitive to being bullied, probably for some deep seated psychological reason I won't be paying a shrink to unearth because after all that money I'll still want to throw things/rebel/quit/bite when I feel that way, but still, I suspect that in any arena, being a bully is at best a short term solution that causes long term problems. Look at Bush - he bullied the UN, Iraq and pretty much everyone else. And for a while, he got what he wanted. But long term, he got the lowest approval ratings in history, a shitcan economy, lots of dead people, roadside bombs, more terrorists than ever, and the whole world thinking we're a bunch of arrogant assholes. I met a girl at a party who trains horses and explained how she works with them, not on them, and how animals who run in herds or packs never follow the bully; they follow the one who has shown good decision making abilities. Of course, Americans aren't too bright and reelected our dumbass in cheif, but we caught on eventually.
So, I think the same thing applies in personal relationships.I don't know whether we as Americans are particularly susceptible to this, but I do see a lot of people who confuse wearing people down with getting them to agree. It's not the same thing. Anyway, maybe the other guy had to be worn down because your idea sucked - like going to war in Iraq with no plan or evidence we needed to be there, for instance. So, here's a thought - if someone gives in because they're sick of telling you you're an idiot and your idea is not good/stupid/dangerous/inappropriate/makes them want to stab you/is going to get you sued/ etc. it doesn't make the idea a good one. Getting one's way by bullying also comes at the expense of creating resentments, damaging relationships and making people just feel run over - which does not make the herd want to follow you.
But Obama makes people want to follow him. 2 million people are trekking to D.C. in the fuck-me-oh-hell-what-is-this cold to watch him get sworn in for a reason. He makes people believe we're not a bunch of bullies; that we can listen; that we have the common sense to respect and build good relationships with people we need; that we're not just arrogant pigs, but people who are capable of growth and change for a greater good.
So, I say give Obama a fucking crown and some purple robes, I don't care. I'm so glad to trade in this illiterate schoolyard bully for a grown up with some self discipline and tact I don't care if he gets carried in on the shoulders of 6 men in turbans and fed grapes by local virgins, only the virgins should, of course, not miss school, since they're probably only in 5th grade. Anoit his head with oil. Whatever. If he can save some kid from a roadside bomb and make us look a little less like international date rapists, I say long live the king.
We also need someone with common sense enough to not be a bully. I've been thinking and have come to the conclusion that the same rules apply to dealing with friends, coworkers, customer service representatives and smelly international diplomats who eat weird stuff. I'm particularly sensitive to being bullied, probably for some deep seated psychological reason I won't be paying a shrink to unearth because after all that money I'll still want to throw things/rebel/quit/bite when I feel that way, but still, I suspect that in any arena, being a bully is at best a short term solution that causes long term problems. Look at Bush - he bullied the UN, Iraq and pretty much everyone else. And for a while, he got what he wanted. But long term, he got the lowest approval ratings in history, a shitcan economy, lots of dead people, roadside bombs, more terrorists than ever, and the whole world thinking we're a bunch of arrogant assholes. I met a girl at a party who trains horses and explained how she works with them, not on them, and how animals who run in herds or packs never follow the bully; they follow the one who has shown good decision making abilities. Of course, Americans aren't too bright and reelected our dumbass in cheif, but we caught on eventually.
So, I think the same thing applies in personal relationships.I don't know whether we as Americans are particularly susceptible to this, but I do see a lot of people who confuse wearing people down with getting them to agree. It's not the same thing. Anyway, maybe the other guy had to be worn down because your idea sucked - like going to war in Iraq with no plan or evidence we needed to be there, for instance. So, here's a thought - if someone gives in because they're sick of telling you you're an idiot and your idea is not good/stupid/dangerous/inappropriate/makes them want to stab you/is going to get you sued/ etc. it doesn't make the idea a good one. Getting one's way by bullying also comes at the expense of creating resentments, damaging relationships and making people just feel run over - which does not make the herd want to follow you.
But Obama makes people want to follow him. 2 million people are trekking to D.C. in the fuck-me-oh-hell-what-is-this cold to watch him get sworn in for a reason. He makes people believe we're not a bunch of bullies; that we can listen; that we have the common sense to respect and build good relationships with people we need; that we're not just arrogant pigs, but people who are capable of growth and change for a greater good.
So, I say give Obama a fucking crown and some purple robes, I don't care. I'm so glad to trade in this illiterate schoolyard bully for a grown up with some self discipline and tact I don't care if he gets carried in on the shoulders of 6 men in turbans and fed grapes by local virgins, only the virgins should, of course, not miss school, since they're probably only in 5th grade. Anoit his head with oil. Whatever. If he can save some kid from a roadside bomb and make us look a little less like international date rapists, I say long live the king.
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Some Christmas ideas for the poor in wallet or heart
Christmas is different when you're broke, which is the case for a lot of people in today's shitcan economy. I'm lucky enough to be employed. Many people these days are not, and spend the day drinking cheap beer and watching Lifetime movies in hopes of seeing someone whose life is worse. If you'll find it, you'll find it on Lifetime. 10 a.m.: "Hearts on a dove's wing: the triumphant story of a one-legged incest victim dumped in the Alaskan tundra by abusive wolves." Stuff like that.
Yet, people want to give Christmas presents. On the eve of this formerly religious holiday turned gaudy celebration of conspicuous consumption represented by a dangerously obese flying man, I thought I'd help by suggesting some presents that won't cost you any beer money. Here we go.
1. Love. Not the boring love your fellow man kind, though. Go fuck and ugly person who will appreciate it.
2. A paper bag with holes cut in it for the eyes and mouth. This is for your friend who is following the above suggestion.
3. Mice, decapitated birds, moles, voles, maybe a squirrel on a good day. I know these cost no money because my cats drag them in all the time and they are not getting an allowance. At least not from me.
4. Starbucks coffee. Oh, no wait. That costs lots of money. It just shouldn't because they're a fucking blight on America. They should pay us.
5. Stolen things. I recommend doing your Christmas stealing all in one place; the more security guards you encounter, the more likely you are to get caught. If you do get caught, however, it will be expensive. If you're in NC, drop me a line and say you were referred by legal bandit for a 10% discount on your defense, which will be "I was broke and stupid."
6. Crap in your attic you got last year and didn't want. Dust that shit off and pass it on. You should bust out some fresh wrapping paper though, and take off that "to Paul from cousin Doofy" tag. Just because you're broke doesn't excuse being tacky.
7. Give a present to the rest of the world and future generations - fire up a brain cell, haul your fat ass a few feet over and recycle your damn bottles and cans. Try using your grubby fucking paws to carry things out of a store instead of taking a plastic bag that will spend thousands of years in a landfill. Recently I saw this piece of shit leave his giant SUV running while he went into a convenience store, bought 2 sodas in plastic bottles, and let the clerk put them in a plastic bag like he couldn't carry them without a toxic handle. My Christmas present is that he and everyone like him be dragged out and shot.
So, there are a few ideas. Enjoy and happy holidays. Hope you get a job by next year and can come up with some present ideas on your own. If not, see you in court.
Yet, people want to give Christmas presents. On the eve of this formerly religious holiday turned gaudy celebration of conspicuous consumption represented by a dangerously obese flying man, I thought I'd help by suggesting some presents that won't cost you any beer money. Here we go.
1. Love. Not the boring love your fellow man kind, though. Go fuck and ugly person who will appreciate it.
2. A paper bag with holes cut in it for the eyes and mouth. This is for your friend who is following the above suggestion.
3. Mice, decapitated birds, moles, voles, maybe a squirrel on a good day. I know these cost no money because my cats drag them in all the time and they are not getting an allowance. At least not from me.
4. Starbucks coffee. Oh, no wait. That costs lots of money. It just shouldn't because they're a fucking blight on America. They should pay us.
5. Stolen things. I recommend doing your Christmas stealing all in one place; the more security guards you encounter, the more likely you are to get caught. If you do get caught, however, it will be expensive. If you're in NC, drop me a line and say you were referred by legal bandit for a 10% discount on your defense, which will be "I was broke and stupid."
6. Crap in your attic you got last year and didn't want. Dust that shit off and pass it on. You should bust out some fresh wrapping paper though, and take off that "to Paul from cousin Doofy" tag. Just because you're broke doesn't excuse being tacky.
7. Give a present to the rest of the world and future generations - fire up a brain cell, haul your fat ass a few feet over and recycle your damn bottles and cans. Try using your grubby fucking paws to carry things out of a store instead of taking a plastic bag that will spend thousands of years in a landfill. Recently I saw this piece of shit leave his giant SUV running while he went into a convenience store, bought 2 sodas in plastic bottles, and let the clerk put them in a plastic bag like he couldn't carry them without a toxic handle. My Christmas present is that he and everyone like him be dragged out and shot.
So, there are a few ideas. Enjoy and happy holidays. Hope you get a job by next year and can come up with some present ideas on your own. If not, see you in court.
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